The truth about female friendships

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DeconditioningRelationships
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Ok woman, sit your ass down; we’re having a chat. I’ve been chatting to my Wifey (y’know, like a business wife, a life wife without the wedding bells) all about female friendships. And how they can be transformative, profound, challenging and sometimes heartbreaking. Female friendships are as hard as intimate relationships. FACT! But in so many different ways. It got me thinking about what kinds of friendships Sovereign Women have and how we use them to grow. And how we deal with conflict. Let’s get into it.

The Maiden, the Mother and the Crone; the three friendships you need on your Sovereign Women’s Journey.

The best way of explaining is using Archetypes. Mmm, my fave!

I’m going to start with The Mother. She is the woman with the same vibe as you.

She’s the one who’s there for you and the one you trust. You may have gone through some scrapes with her, and there is depth and honesty about your friendship.

You can disagree respectfully and still show up for each other. There is a lack of ego, zero gaslighting, and a mutual appreciation of your personal truth. I feel this is super important right now.

She treats you well. She’s giving and can also ask for help. You take turns in taking care of each other as a Mother would. She also teaches you more about yourself. She’s like a mirror, and she questions your thinking in a playful way, not as a standoff.

I’m super fortunate to have one or two Queens like this in my life.

It is transformational when you meet a woman on your vibe.

Even if you don’t become deep friends, there is mutual respect. Think of the women you follow on Instagram to whom you send some love when they’re killing it with their business and life. You may never meet but believe me; she appreciates the love.

Next up is The Crone. She’s one step ahead of you on her journey.

She’s the badass who has seen and done it all. The depth of wisdom that she’s accumulated is something to be treasured. She sees herself as incredibly giving and isn’t afraid to teach what she knows to you.

While sometimes, The Crone is older, this is more about a vibe than an age. She could even be worldly even without travelling. She’s what we call an old soul.

You don’t even have to know this woman. She could be a heroine of yours. Think of the women you have on your vision board that you look up to. What would she say to you when you get into a sticky situation?

Treat these women with respect because they know their worth, and they don’t suffer fools. They go where they can teach and lead while also being humble.

Finally, The Maiden. She’s one step behind you in her journey.

Just like The Crone reaches back, you get to reach back too. You are the Crone to some women. You are an experienced woman who can lead and advise the next generation of Sovereign Women. Again, age isn’t a thing; it’s a vibe.

For example, I have someone in my circle who is on her come up. I coach her for free because I want to give back. This relationship is super important to me as I know how much Crone women have impacted me on my journey.

The Maiden may not be as far ahead, but she’s trying her damn hardest to become all she can be. She gets to learn from you and take inspiration from you. She also teaches you things and inspires you. It can be a sacred and powerful friendship that can be a flash and a level-up or last a lifetime.

She may not even be someone you know. She could be following you on social media and learning from you without you even knowing. But, rest assured, she’s there, so lead by example.

How beautiful are friendships like this? Take a moment to appreciate the friends you have.

But, for every woman who we hold close, I know you’ll have experienced when friendships go wrong.

Breakups from intimate relationships can be challenging, but female friendships are next-level tricky! Breaking up with someone with who you shared your secrets and went through tough times is like a stab in the heart.

The vulnerability you shared is where your friendship was forged.

I’ve been there a few times. One minute you’re vowing you’re going to get old together and tear up the nursing home. The next, she’s pressing all your buttons.

Women can be wicked! The showdown can be tricky to navigate. We go into rage mode and have a shouting match where we say hurtful things because we don’t know how to tame our wounded masculine.

Shouting “I’m never speaking to you again” and storming off is sometimes the end of a female friendship but is rarer than the usual ending—more on that in a second.

The breakup of a friendship can be as painful as a breakup from an intimate relationship except for one thing. There may never be an actual breakup which makes closure harder. Even when you drift apart, there’s still that thread of “I wish we were still friends like before”. Going back time and time again but never rekindling that closeness.

It is why I believe female friendships are harder to come back from. Women don’t tend to talk about their differences of opinion or “pull each other up” when something is said.

We drop into our wounded feminine.

Our wounded feminine is victim mode. Oh, ouch! Allow that nugget to land with you.

We go full-on passive aggressive. Comments that you can’t quite make a “thing” out of, but you know they’re laced with sickly sweet poison to try and provoke you. The worst thing is, you both know what’s going on but say nothing. Double wounded feminine!

Passive-aggressive comments can be conversation openers if you treat them the right way. For example, “I wanted to talk to you about that. Are you available to do that right now?”

We’re also very forgiving. We go into overly mothering our friends and forgive them time and time again for little things. We tend to give in when a friend crosses us. Those tiny, minor indiscretions turn into death by a thousand cuts—each one building up resentment.

Again, another wounded feminine trait where we allow all manner of things to go unsaid.

How to have frank conversations with your female friends.

Sovereign Women can have a frank discussion, lay it all out, take responsibility, manage their emotions AND become better friends afterwards.

At first, we don’t have the toolset to dig into and create the environment for tough conversations, especially if we don’t have women to model.

The first time we do it, we’re going to slip up, but we get to improve with practice and patience. Set the stage and say, “I’m going to try something different. Can you be patient because this matters to me?”

Or, you can discuss something you oppose that’s not personal and use that to see how you practice conflict in the friendship. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Especially if you create the right environment right from the start where you speak up, that’s the key.

Conversations like that can bring you closer after you clear the air. These are the friendships worth keeping. You can disagree and still be respectful, which is the most healing of experiences if you’ve had negative friendship experiences in the past.

And lastly.

Sometimes, we don’t see eye to eye and say goodbye to each other. That’s a tough one, but they can bring you closure, and we get to move on. No blame, no pain. You still have the memories of all the mischief you had and the moments of “we’ve got this” when the shit hit the fan. This is where you get to grow and maybe rekindle your friendship after a few years.

Maybe in that nursing home, getting old together and causing a ruckus.

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With Power & Grace, Carolynne ∞

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