Ok, real talk time.
Come with me on this journey into the dark times.
It’s not a sexy place to go or even a place you want to revisit, BUT it’s a place where the most enlightenment happens.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this because it’s dreadful. It’s like your life force has been sucked out of you. You think that your soul will never return, and you’re an empty shell of a woman.
But there is a roadmap to navigate the dark waters.
WTF is a Dark Night of the Soul?
And how you do move through it with power and grace?
Ok, real talk time.
Come with me on this journey into the dark times.
It’s not a sexy place to go or even a place you want to revisit, BUT it’s a place where the most enlightenment happens.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this because it’s dreadful. It’s like your life force has been sucked out of you. You think that your soul will never return, and you’re an empty shell of a woman.
But then, the space you have inside gets to be filled with something.
The temptation is to fill it with surface-level BS like alcohol, drugs, sex, Netflix and work addiction. Addiction is a sure-fire way of staying stuck instead of moving through it.
Now, there could be underlying issues here that could result from trauma, and you get to make a judgement call on that.
Seeking treatment is always an option.
A dark night of the soul feels different.
It’s lethargy, apathy and lack.
Or it’s frantic, addictive and distracting.
We swing from one extreme to the other. Unable to catch our breath because it’s exhausting or finding yourselves laying in bed unable to sleep.
It may even be a constant buzz of numbing ourselves—a functioning-alcoholic type state bubbling just under the surface.
What exactly IS it?
The modern world would call it depression.
(Again, if you feel moved to seek treatment, then do it.)
On a spiritual level, it’s a realisation that the life you are living is too small for your soul.
Allow that to sink in and land with you.
It’s a realisation that the life you are living is too small for your soul.
We are designed to experience life and expand into everything we can be.
We expand into the space we are given. If we allow our lives to be too small for us, we grow into them and then get stuck pushing on the walls to break out of them.
“Stuckness” is an illusion. Our body and our mind can’t comprehend this. We’re so used to moving and thinking that stuckness feels like a straitjacket.
We’re never stuck; the illusion that nothing is moving is the fear that we’re not living up to our full potential.
How to move gently through a dark night of the soul.
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Allow things to settle.
Yes, this isn’t easy, but the faster you pause, the easier it is to move through it. -
Allow emotions to come up but don’t get attached.
This stage is a tough one to navigate. Emotions can take over your whole body and feel very real. Cry, shout, rage, laugh and allow. Feel them with courage and boldness. While they can feel real, they are just feelings. They’re real to your body but don’t attach meaning to them. Your body is moving the energy. Your brain, on the other hand, is a meaning-making machine. Your brain will try to make sense of them by attaching words and meaning to them. Emotions are energy in motion = e-motion. Allow the waves to pass. -
Move your body.
If your emotions are energy moving, then help them along. Energy wants to move, so dance, walk, run, do yoga, shake it off. Be gentle with yourself even if you don’t feel like it. Start small and build up. Again, allow the energy/emotions to pass without judgement and attachment. -
Have patience.
Oh, this is another tough one to hear because you want this to stop! Patience to be in the present and move through it instead of ruching it can make all the difference. -
Be kind to yourself.
Self-care could be the last thing from your mind right now. However, keep on tending to your “human”. Get back to basics, drink plenty of water, eat nutritious food and get some sunshine. And sleep is your friend right now. -
Trust and surrender.
It is all for your highest purpose. Know that this period of your life will come to an end. Surrender to the process of moving through it. It is a defining moment, and you will come out of this a more robust human. -
Ask this one question.
Once you feel that the energy has moved and subsided, you can ask the question. “How can I be of the greatest service to humanity?” Oooph, that’s a big question, so start small. Ask, “How can I be of the greatest service to myself, my friends, my family, my community, my clients?” Starting small and working up to something more extensive is the aim here. Serve small, pause, ask the question again. Rinse and repeat. Hardly an easy task, so be gentle with yourself. Service begins with you. Serve yourself first. Once you have filled up your cup, then you can radiate that service out further and further. Having a stable foundation of taking care of yourself first can lead to greater and greater service. If not, we fall into the trap of martyrdom. -
And finally, allow yourself to seek guidance.
Asking for help is a superpower. Too often, we’re shown that the independent woman is powerful, but no woman got to where she is today without guidance. We try to figure things out from where we are, and all we will get is the same answers. We need to expand, and that’s where our mind is going to be our friend. Again, it’s a meaning-making machine so give it meaning to chew on and create connections with. It could be as simple as a book like The Gene Keys or something by Ram Dass. Diving into spiritual text is a universal way of making sense of who you are and what you are here to do with your one precious life. Others have gone deep and connected the dots, so stand on the shoulders of giants in your spiritual work. You don’t have to do this alone.
➰ Here’s my list of Game-Changing Books that helped me with my spiritual journey.
Game Changing Books for your Spiritual Journey→
If you want to accelerate your healing, then I suggest seeking a guide such as myself. The depth of a dark night of the soul is often misunderstood in modern society as depression, and seeking a more spiritual explanation is often the fastest way to move through it. The themes you are experiencing are universal. (Even though they feel very personal to you.) Lost, love, death are all part of the human experience, so lean on others to guide you.
Having a guide on a 1:1 basis has the power to receive the answers you need when you need them instead of piecing it together from books. Having a coach/guide is something I wish I had done sooner, but it all happens at the right time for you.
Remember, everything is for your highest good, and everything you need is inside you.
